Finally: the John Edwards Rielle Hunter sex tape!

According to a former aide via the New York Daily News (link), there's supposed to be a sex tape showing John Edwards and his former mistress Rielle Hunter. According to the NYDN, "this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform." Phwoar!

Wacky chimp goes ape in Stamford!

Out of Stamford, Connecticut comes the wacky news about a fun couple who own a pet chimpanzee named Travis who can do lots of things humans can: He waters flowers, enjoys a glass of wine, brushes his teeth, and watches TV. As a show of how wacky he is, he bolted from a sport utility vehicle driven by his owners Sunday night, commandeered an intersection in the heart of this busy Fairfield County city, and held police at bay for a few hours.

President Barack Obama swearing! (using cuss words)

Here are two videos with some excerpts from Barack Obama's audio book in which he does a caricature of one of his friends from Hawaii, by swearing like a sailor. I'd provide a transcript but I'd wear down the top row of keys on the keyboard trying to sanitize the cuss words he uses. The first video is uncensored, the second video (below) has the bad words bleeped out.

This is the not safe for work version:

Peanuts, dry roasted with rat (salmonella outbreak)

A worker at the Peanut Corporation of America plant in Georgia - the source of a recent outbreak of salmonella - tells CBS that he once saw a rat "dry roasting in the peanuts." I wouldn't be too concerned about this, since the heat would probably kill all the germs in the rat. OK, maybe not. But, even so, rat has a rich, nutty flavor. And, it's a flavor you might have already enjoyed without knowing it.

NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg *bitten* - not eaten - by groundhog

Preliminary, confusing blog reports out of New York City earlier today suggested that NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg had been attacked and eaten by a large pack of groundhogs. Those reports were in error. In fact, it was just a bite on his hand, and was treated by the devoted and beloved public official by wrapping the affected finger with a napkin. From this, video below:

Blowfish balls sicken seven!

An unauthorized sushi chef in Japan is charged with professional negligence after serving blowfish testicles laced with neurotoxins. One person is in critical condition, two others are in serious condition. When ordering fugu, it's important to only select licensed and experienced practitioners. They must train literally for years in order to become experts at their extremely dangerous art. That's especially true if you're going to go around eating blowfish's balls.

Is Diminished Gluteal Syndrome treatable?

Question: Doctor Tate, I was told that I have Diminished Gluteal Syndrome, but I've never heard of that. What does that mean?

Answer: You have no ass.

Scientists: microscopic Raquel Welch possible "within decade"

Exciting news from Australia, as scientists have announced that a microscopic Raquel Welch - barely as tall as a human hair is wide - will be possible "within a decade" (link).

NATALIE DYLAN IS ONLY A "TECHNICAL VIRGIN"!!!

Is nothing sacred? Now it turns out that Natalie Dylan - the young lady who's trying to auction off her virginity - is actually an experienced strumpet who's "been with men". Just not "all the way". In other words, like Melanie Martinez, she's what's called in the trade a "technical virgin"!!!

Al Gore on ice: frozen sculpture in Fairbanks, Alaska

Al Gore has a new honor: a 5-ton ice sculpture in his likeness which was created by Fairbanks, Alaska businessman Craig Compeau (link). In case Al would like to fly in on his private jet to see it, it's next to the Thrifty liquor store in Fairbanks' bustling downtown. It will be there until the spring thaw in March, unless it melts first. Al Gore tip: don't take the yellow ice home as a souvenir.

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