HotSop: Random musings

According to a former aide via the New York Daily News (link), there's supposed to be a sex tape showing John Edwards and his former mistress Rielle Hunter. According to the NYDN, "this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform." Phwoar!

Out of Stamford, Connecticut comes the wacky news about a fun couple who own a pet chimpanzee named Travis who can do lots of things humans can: He waters flowers, enjoys a glass of wine, brushes his teeth, and watches TV. As a show of how wacky he is, he bolted from a sport utility vehicle driven by his owners Sunday night, commandeered an intersection in the heart of this busy Fairfield County city, and held police at bay for a few hours.

Here are two videos with some excerpts from Barack Obama's audio book in which he does a caricature of one of his friends from Hawaii, by swearing like a sailor. I'd provide a transcript but I'd wear down the top row of keys on the keyboard trying to sanitize the cuss words he uses. The first video is uncensored, the second video (below) has the bad words bleeped out.

This is the not safe for work version:

A worker at the Peanut Corporation of America plant in Georgia - the source of a recent outbreak of salmonella - tells CBS that he once saw a rat "dry roasting in the peanuts." I wouldn't be too concerned about this, since the heat would probably kill all the germs in the rat. OK, maybe not. But, even so, rat has a rich, nutty flavor. And, it's a flavor you might have already enjoyed without knowing it.

Preliminary, confusing blog reports out of New York City earlier today suggested that NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg had been attacked and eaten by a large pack of groundhogs. Those reports were in error. In fact, it was just a bite on his hand, and was treated by the devoted and beloved public official by wrapping the affected finger with a napkin. From this, video below:

An unauthorized sushi chef in Japan is charged with professional negligence after serving blowfish testicles laced with neurotoxins. One person is in critical condition, two others are in serious condition. When ordering fugu, it's important to only select licensed and experienced practitioners. They must train literally for years in order to become experts at their extremely dangerous art. That's especially true if you're going to go around eating blowfish's balls.

Question: Doctor Tate, I was told that I have Diminished Gluteal Syndrome, but I've never heard of that. What does that mean?

Answer: You have no ass.

Exciting news from Australia, as scientists have announced that a microscopic Raquel Welch - barely as tall as a human hair is wide - will be possible "within a decade" (link).

Is nothing sacred? Now it turns out that Natalie Dylan - the young lady who's trying to auction off her virginity - is actually an experienced strumpet who's "been with men". Just not "all the way". In other words, like Melanie Martinez, she's what's called in the trade a "technical virgin"!!!

Al Gore has a new honor: a 5-ton ice sculpture in his likeness which was created by Fairbanks, Alaska businessman Craig Compeau (link). In case Al would like to fly in on his private jet to see it, it's next to the Thrifty liquor store in Fairbanks' bustling downtown. It will be there until the spring thaw in March, unless it melts first. Al Gore tip: don't take the yellow ice home as a souvenir.