Blowfish balls sicken seven!

An unauthorized sushi chef in Japan is charged with professional negligence after serving blowfish testicles laced with neurotoxins. One person is in critical condition, two others are in serious condition. When ordering fugu, it's important to only select licensed and experienced practitioners. They must train literally for years in order to become experts at their extremely dangerous art. That's especially true if you're going to go around eating blowfish's balls.

Is Diminished Gluteal Syndrome treatable?

Question: Doctor Tate, I was told that I have Diminished Gluteal Syndrome, but I've never heard of that. What does that mean?

Answer: You have no ass.

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Scientists: microscopic Raquel Welch possible "within decade"

Exciting news from Australia, as scientists have announced that a microscopic Raquel Welch - barely as tall as a human hair is wide - will be possible "within a decade" (link).

NATALIE DYLAN IS ONLY A "TECHNICAL VIRGIN"!!!

Is nothing sacred? Now it turns out that Natalie Dylan - the young lady who's trying to auction off her virginity - is actually an experienced strumpet who's "been with men". Just not "all the way". In other words, like Melanie Martinez, she's what's called in the trade a "technical virgin"!!!

Al Gore on ice: frozen sculpture in Fairbanks, Alaska

Al Gore has a new honor: a 5-ton ice sculpture in his likeness which was created by Fairbanks, Alaska businessman Craig Compeau (link). In case Al would like to fly in on his private jet to see it, it's next to the Thrifty liquor store in Fairbanks' bustling downtown. It will be there until the spring thaw in March, unless it melts first. Al Gore tip: don't take the yellow ice home as a souvenir.

Natalie Dylan virginity auction photo and video: maybe all of us could get together

Natalie Dylan is the pseudonym of a San Diego, California 22-year-old woman who's auctioning off her virginity. Her picture is to the right and video is below.

The auction was considered too hot for eBay, so she's doing it through a Nevada brothel, and apparently Howard Stern is involved in some way (link).

Bush, America agree: lock him behind a gate

George W. Bush's Preston Hollow estate is in the news again, as this time he wants a gate to be put across his public street for security reasons and also to keep out on-lookers, lookyloos, and others from hoi polloi.

Snowboards with naked Playboy models cause outrage in Vermont!

Burton is marketing a new line of snowboards featuring naked models, apparently from old copies of Playboy. And, a confidential source informs this reporter that at least one of them is from many years ago. Needless to say, this shocking objectification has caused outrage, and this site stands in solidarity with the liberals in Vermont who are calling for them to be driven off store shelves and legislation put in place to end the hate! However, purely as a public service, this reporter notes that - while they appear to be too hot for Amazon - you might be able to buy them through this search at eBay.

Oahu power outage: Obama OK!

Currently, the entire island of Oahu, Hawaii is without electrical power, perhaps due to a lightning strike. It isn't known whether the property where president-elect Barack Obama is spending his vacation before assuming the throne has a backup generator, but it isn't really necessary in any case: Obama's power is such that he can light up an entire building. But, even that won't be necessary since he's going to cause the sun to rise at 4am, four hours before the mortals will have fixed the power, according to mayor Mufi Hannemann.

Topless Amy Winehouse does crazy dance in St. Lucia

I swear I'm typing withboth hands as I limk to thid NSFW photo of a topless Amy Winehouse frolicking in the St. lucia surf, where she's on a Caribbean rehab/vacation. It includes video of the partially-nude pop siren dooing a crazy dance on the balcony of her villa, and thiseyewitness account:/

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