HotSop: Random musings

Through a coded space/time transmission, General Johnson Jameson informs me that, contrary to reports, freaky megastar Tom Cruise is not building a $10 million bunker underneath his Telluride, Colorado property. According to one source, this fictional bunker would be to protect Tom and his family against an alien attack (from outer space).

Per Roger Friedman of Fox News, infamous lawyer Gloria Allred will be going to court on Monday with a witness who will claim that Britney Spears did drugs in front of her children. This may result in her losing custody, which would go to Kevin Federline. Developing...

Global Warming - the Bush/Rove plot to conquer the world through climate change - took a major hit over the weekend as dozens of Swiss and others stripped down and got naked for a photography shoot by Spencer Tunick at the Aletsch Glacier in Switzerland. Tunick is apparently famous for such events. While a couple of the young ladies on the video are attractive, the crowd shots are much less than attractive. Warning: very unattractive nude people.

Orlando, Florida police - knowing full well the violent nature of Floridians - recently conducted a gun exchange program: turn in your guns no-questions-asked, and receive a nifty pair of sneakers in return. One idiot peaceful citizen turned in a 1903 revolver worth over $1000, and got a pair shoes in return.

In a shocking revelation, former Wonder Years ("Winnie") co-star Danica McKellar has revealed that Math Doesn't Suck... in book form! The actress, it appears, is not just talented at the thespianism, but also graduated from UCLA with a degree in the numerically-oriented science, even going as far as authoring the so-called "Chayes-McKellar-Winn Theorem". She's even got a site about her book! While targeted at middle-school-aged girls (and thus empowering) I couldn't get past how adorable she looks on the cover:

- Science show host Beekman is not only gay, but a committed Communist.

- Fox News analyst Kimberly Guilefoyle occasionally enjoys wearing her lipstick in a chola-style, but only when she's not reporting. According to her, this accords her "epic LULZ".

Continuing with our Great Canadians series, we present Jonathan Schaeffer of the University of Alberta, who's recently solved the game of... checkers! Using a computer program, he's determined all the millions and millions of possible games in the game. Despite all that computing - and brain - power, he has yet to determine exactly why he did it and what if any use it could be to anyone.

I never thought I'd be posting about this, but a while back I was a writer/producer for CBS News. Around the newsroom, we all knew about Katie Couric's reputation. No, I'm not talking about her former cheerleading career, or her current cheerleading career for the Democratic Party.

I'm talking about the "s" word. We all knew Katie hated the word and would strike out against anyone who used it. With that knowledge throbbing in my mind, I presented Katie with a "special" script I'd written for her.

Known airhead and Los Angeles City Councilperson Janice Hahn has saved the city, sources say:

A 6 1/2-foot alligator believed to be the elusive "Reggie," who lurked in a city lake for two years, was wrestled into captivity Thursday and rushed to a zoo with TV news helicopters providing live coverage of its freeway journey at rush hour.