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Tom Cruise not building underground bunker

Through a coded space/time transmission, General Johnson Jameson informs me that, contrary to reports, freaky megastar Tom Cruise is not building a $10 million bunker underneath his Telluride, Colorado property. According to one source, this fictional bunker would be to protect Tom and his family against an alien attack (from outer space).

Rather, Gen. Jameson indicates that Cruise, Art Bell, Major Ed Dames, and John Lear maintain in constant contact with the early warning system on the moon as well as the one in the Van Allen Belt. In case of an impeding attack from outer space, they will immediately head to Jameson's underground bunker in deepest Saskatchewan.